1 Night, 5 Pizzas

Sometimes I think we're living a normal life.
Sometimes I forget we're different.

About the time I get really comfortable with our life, we have some sort of public engagement that shocks me back into the actual reality.

Sometimes this happens when I'm shopping and I have a freak-out over Boomba reaching for an M&M's package.

To the naive eye I must look like the official National Sugar Enemy.
To the naive eye, I am not a Supermom saving my son from casein contamination. I'm another over protective young mom who is sheltering her child into a social and developmental coma.

Sometimes I am shocked into actual reality as I'm doing our monthly shopping spree. It takes about 3hrs to do this whole process. Even though I buy the same brands and products nearly every month with little fluctuation, it still takes 3 hrs. Allergy Parents need to read every package, every time. If I buy 7 cans of corn, I need to carefully read 7 cans or corn to make sure not one of those pesky guys snuck in from a contaminated distribution facility. The facilities that may or may not contain traces of casein. Companies change their recipes "improving" their already safe products into casein (and other allergen) death traps with no warning. It is up to the Allergy Parent to read, read, read every single product that goes into their cart.

I'm sure, as the above mentioned example, I again look like a paranoid hippy freak who only buys "x,y,z". Thank God for the hippy freaks, by the way, because then at least I have a social affiliation and I'm not the loner freak that doesn't even fit into a category. Even if this category is not mine to fit in.

Sometimes it's a social party we decide to venture to that shocks us into actual reality.
This particular venture is a delicate one. I don't know anyone at walmart or the dollar store and for all I care they can think I'm whatever type of mom or crazy-lady they want. Social parties are a bit different though.

It is here when I am able to see how our "normal" world looks more like a hurricane compared to the greener pastures of the serene environment the rest of the world seemingly offers.

I mean, can you imagine living a life where you could focus your energy into parenting instead of wondering what your kid is going to touch/eat that may send him to the ER? Potlucks. Dinner parties. Birthday cake. Ice cream. Bowling- ha! Bowling. I bet Boomba couldn't even touch those grease deep fat fried bowling balls of contamination doom.

Okay, even to me I'm sounding like the above mentioned crazy woman.

Last night was a wonderful time of fellowship with friends. We watched Rev Fisk's You Tube Channel- in BIG screen, among other things.

And there was even a surprise!

5 pizzas someone generously donated to the evening of fun and theology, among other things.

I have something wonderful to tell you. Boomba ran around like an oblivious 2 year as he should have. Husband and I even took turns sneaking around the corner to indulge in the Casein Pies while the other watched Boomba.
*enter the awkward moment where someone notices you're double washing your hands and mouth afterward*

We had a team of experienced parents looking out for us too. You know, the parents of older kids/teens/young adults that are very eager to love on your child as they reminisce. I'm so thankful for our Boomba's adpot-a-grandparents. As we've always lived long distance from Boomba's actual grandparents, these people are wonderful blessings to us and our son. These people are probably not used to the strict no-touching-tables/contaminated-surfaces allergy rules as we are, but all in all they are very reliable in making sure Boomba remains well entertained and doesn't go running out the door- the "normal" (or what I'd imagine to be "normal") 2 yr old stuff.

We made it through the whole evening without a major accident.
Yes we dosed Benedryl.
Yes we've been feeding Boomba carefully choreographed Gluten Free meals to prepare his body to withstand contamination in preparation.

But thank God we have those tools to make it so we can partake in Social Parties.

I probably spend all too much time thinking about our life and its specifics.
I'm pretty sure if we didn't have a life threatening allergy to deal with, we'd still be struggling with sin and temptation. Jesus was sent for everyone, after all.

When those grass pastures look lush and green I try to count my blessings.

I had a phone date with my best friend today. As we talked and I touched on our lifestyle, I wondered what will happen when our lives intersect again. We plan to resume play dates (in person!) in a few short months, once we are all in the same town again. Since we were last able to do in-person play dates this Allergy Family's lifestyle has changed more than we imagined.
I don't think I'm worried.
Just thinking.

God knows this too.

Dear God,
Please let us know of your providence as we are twisting in this whilpool of a sinful world. Please remind us that no matter what transitions are coming (known and unforeseen) that you are our rock, steady and strong. You are well aware and in conrol, something we cannot relate to. Thank you.
Amen.

Sometimes It's Better

I just finished watching the movie The Change Up. It's raunchy to say the least, however I am driven keep my pregnant-self up even later to write this so hang tight and excuse the bound-to-occur type-os, please.

The ending quote really got to me.
Spoke right to me.

I've been saying for weeks "This isn't how I imagined my life".

Sometimes I say it in a disappointed tone, sometimes a besides-myself tone, but mostly in a huh-God-you-REALLY-know-what-you're-doing tone.

The schmuck of a guy, Mitch (played by Ryan Reynolds- which by the way is the most undesirable character I've ever seen him play) ends the movie with a stunning quote.

"Sometimes life doesn't turn out like you plan it. Sometimes, sometimes it turns out better"

Whoa.

Just because our lives aren't congruent with our dreams (our innately sinful dreams I'll add) doesn't mean it's a bad thing. We are taught and asked and probed- What will you be when you grow up? Did you make it into the best college available? and on and on. Of course we have a hard time when we realize this isn't what we (thought) wanted.

Now here's stolen sermon illustration:
Remember Moses leading the Israelites? Were they happy to be lead around for 40 years? No. They in fact more than entertained the idea of going back to being slaves in Egypt as a better alternative, the vary thing God through Moses was saving them from.

If God would have lead them the quickest way from A to B that's exactly what would have happened. Instead they took the long route, a 40 year long route to get to Canaan. The route that avoided the Egyptians. Who knew that this long and wearing voyage was the way God planned it to be. It didn't make sense to the people, but it doesn't have to.

I never could have dreamed I would have a BS in Studio Arts, I could not have guessed I would be married to a man who later would name me the trailing spouse of a seminarian and later, God willing a pastor. I NEVER could have imagined I would be an Allergy Mom. I never would have seen myself okay with living more than 20 miles away from my parents- literally, 20 miles. Now we're the closest we've been in 6 years at slightly over 200 miles, and you know what? I'm completely okay with it. I would have never guessed that after being told by my a Dr 1 mo before my wedding at age 21 I could never become pregnant, that I would be pregnant multiple times and God willing will meet my 2nd baby this summer.

Ready for another stolen sermon illustration?
This is a good'n.

I think of a pastor who brought a wrapping paper roll and a lego man to the pulpit with him often. He didn't bring these things in tot he pulpit often, I think of him and this illustration often. He placed the lego man in the wrapping paper roll and cupped his hands on the ends moving the roll, sliding the lego man inside. He explained we are the lego man, we can see behind us, and we can see a little ways ahead of us, but we are surrounded in this life span. God on the other hand stands outside the roll, able to clearly see and know the beginning, end and in betweens of every moment, not only of our life span, but everyone's!

This all adds up to show God really does know what He's doing.
My heart is with the Israelites, traveling and trusting, without being able to see the end that God already has prepared and knows.

Thank you God for knowing me and even despite my straying, shepherding me away and through the wolves.
Amen.

Image Link

The Luxury of Staying at Home?

Swiped from here.

I'm a stay at home mom.

I once dreamed of teaching but a few things combined with the stark realization that if I was a teacher I couldn't be a stay at home mom, changed my mind.

My mom stayed home when I was in pre-school and did Avon. After that she was a working woman! Thankfully my dad was a janitor so I was always watched by a parent, even though they both worked.

My sister in law was and still remains a huge influence on me. She taught me the importance of knowing what I believed and why. She taught me the beauty and God given weight of my vocations as daughter, sister, and then later, wife and mother.

You can google a million sites that will go on and on about how staying at home is either ridiculous, the -only- way to go, impractical, or even a luxury.

I love being home and spending what I can already see is fleeting time with my son, watching him grow, teaching him our beliefs and I love to discipline him as Husband and I decide is fit.

His allergies add to the reasoning. I'm really not sure of a daycare that would take him as he has a life threatening allergy to trace amounts of casein combined with multiple other serious food and environmental allergies. Because of his allergy I can focus on making safe and healthy foods for him. I wanted to stay at home even before we knew of this special benefit, before we were an "Allergy Family".

Many ladies argue that they "Wish they could but can't be a stay at home mother". Now I don't want to shame anyone for the decision they are making for their family, but I also do not think this argument is valid. These ladies would also add that "staying at home as a mother is just a luxury they can't afford".

Why does this not hold up in my book?

We are not rolling in dough.
We make waaaay less than 25k a year and are paying on all of our student loans (because Husband and I both put ourselves through college).
The truth is I would have to make a substantial amount of money to off set the charges day care would demand. If I worked out of the home, I would not be able to make homemade meals every single day (which is our only option to have safe meals for Boomba, by the way). We would pay a lot of money in processed and "fast" or "boxed" foods.

It is because I am at home that I can spend the time to shop for the BEST deal when we need to make a purchase. I can also sew and make our own toys, repairs and etc out of recycled materials, because I'm home to do that- that's how I provide for my family.

It's scary.
It's terrifying to leave the regular paycheck of a job to become a stay at home mom. You crunch numbers and try to figure it all out. There are as many ways to make it work as there are families who do it. I groomed myself for this job and even I need regular talks with other moms and Husband to remind me of what exactly it is I am doing. It is after all quite ambiguous, especially compared to the black and white contracted jobs many mothers hold in addition to keeping house and mothering and wife-ing.

I know I'm doing just what all the other sites are doing. Telling you what to think about being a stay at home mom. I guess it just really makes me upset that people think this is all such a luxury when they don't see the sacrifices that are made to do this.

But then again...
The luxury is in the fact that I can get the housework and errands done in the day so Husband can come home and we can have true family time together. The luxury is in homemade foods, teaching Boomba our morals for this short time that I am his predominate role model. The luxury is in serving my family.

I am so thankful for a husband who not only supports me as a stay at home mom, but does so much more than that. He tries to see things from my point of view. He works more than one job (or four) if he needs to make sure that one of us can always be home with Boomba. He encourages me to seek additional support and comrade when toddler company isn't cutting it for me, emotionally.

I'm thankful for my God who provides for us in ways we can never see coming.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
-Matthew 6:26

Living in the Know

It is such a relief to know what we know now.
Boomba eats Milk, Beef, Soy, Gluten/Wheat, Coconut, and Garlic free these days.
No wonder we couldn't control his reactions.
We are expecting our Environmental Oral Drops to come in a few weeks and we've heard nothing but promising things about those.

We were straight up told that reactions would be a regular part of our life. Now that we know Boomba is not only reacting to Casein, we can also know that many of his reactions will not be because of casein, and therefore less likely to be Anaphylactic.

So. Though our diet has changed drastically to say the least, and though our grocery bills have increased, we are very pleased.

We are pleased to be living in the know.

It was such a scary place to be, wondering "Why is he reacting?", "What can he eat?", "What do we do now?".

It is an interesting thing though, to be pregnant and to deal with cravings in this limited diet. Oh yeah.

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!

We are currently sneaking up on 15 weeks and due near July 23rd.

For all of you wondering, yes that is the -day- we were planning making our move back to Husband's Grad School. The one that's over 1,ooo miles away.

They said I was crazy moving 7oo miles when I was 32 weeks pregnant with Boomba.
Ya'll ain't seen crazy yet.

We're gunna take this boat train magic show on the road pregnant(or newly not pregnant) and allergy free!

Stay tuned.

God has surely blessed us.

A New Year. A New Focus.

I thought that our 3rd year of marriage was our toughest. Not because of our marriage specifically. Because of the turn of events that occurred that year.
We:

-Moved 700 miles
-Moved while I was VERY pregnant
-Husband started Grad School
-Birthed a baby who was unexpectantly in the NICU
-Became ill with Swine Flue
-Swine Flu turned into Pneumonia
-We had Carbon Monoxide Poisoning in our home
-We couldn't make our bills
-We found out just how scary an Anaphelactic reaction is

After we survived that I thought my trust in God was pretty good.

*toot toot* - my own horn.

That was until we realized how helpless we've been and feel because of Boomba's constantly growing allergy list.

So here's the turn of a new leaf, with God's help.

We are helpless.
God sustains us.
It's time to trust in God's providence.

I don't generally "believe" in New Year's Resolutions but I decided it would be a good idea to make a Christ-based on this year. A new focus for the new year.
With God's help I want to make it a point to:

Trust/ Remember/ Appreciate God's Providence

Matthew 10:29-31

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Philippians 4:19

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

I can't handle anymore, God.

I've been saying this a lot. "A lot" does not even describe it. He's probably so sick of hearing it, I'm saying it so often.

Two more weeks and I'm not sure I can do it.
Two more weeks and we should have the 2nd screening of Boomba's allergy tests back. In two week Boomba is expected to start his oral drops and that's when I'm expecting the magic to happen. Since we've been told of Boomba's whopping 20 allergen list, we've made a few changes to our diet only to see an INCREASE of reactions.

I can't handle anymore, God.

It was first Boomba's birthday a time of family and friends sitting together, laughing, sharing, and eating in our house. Then, Thanksgiving. Family came to our home to sit, laugh, and share. Oh and eat. Lastly Christmas. It's not just what happened with Christmas- the whole family coming to sit, laugh, share...and eat. It's the well-intentioned home baked (casein and allergy-filled) delights that were piled upon our counters one by one. Not to mention the fact Boomba reacted to a class 0 allergy on Christmas like it was a class III.

Point is it's been a long, allergy building season. And oh yeah,
I can't handle anymore, God.

Then Boomba got a fever. For three days. Then he got a rash. Was it the chicken pox? Was it Roseola- probably. That day every single thing I fed him, he reacted to. His unpleasant demeanor, him rubbing his head, and then him grabbing is throat was the last straw. We called the local clinic on a Friday at 4pm to see if they could squeeze him in. Thank God they could.

The rash, I'd never had guessed, was a reaction.

You'd think I would know a reaction when I saw it after 2 years of Allergy Momming.
Nope.
Steroid shot.
Oral steroids for a week.

The relief in our household was tactile.
Light hearts.
Smiles.
Dancing.
Praises.

Saturday morning we stuck with one of our 5 "safe foods" Rice. Warm rice with sugar and soy milk and craisins and raisins. MMmmmmmMMMmmm.
Go ahead.
Try it.

We slowly got dressed at our leisure, taking it easy and then when it was time I did the monthly grocery run all by myself.
Could this day get any better?

I returned home to a seemingly starving Boomba and a 20 minute wait on lunch, we served up a simple sliced cucumber as a hold-em-over and even splashed a little French dressing to dip!

And then he reacted.

To what? I suppose the answer is "french dressing". The real answer is "I don't know what ingredient it was and....
I can't handle ANYMORE, God!"

After a long talk.
After being showered with encouragement.
It seems true.
The devil is a tough opponent in a battle already won.

I've been feeling like a horrible wife and mother. Truth is I am. I'm a sinner. I couldn't save myself if I tried. Good thing I don't have to.

I don't know why God thinks(knows) we can live this way. But the only thing that I really do know- He's right.
God is omniscient.
Omnipresent.
Omnipotent.

This world is proof of the ugliness of sin. The corrupted disintegrating effects of sin.

It's hard living here (I want to be very pointed in saying that "here" means this world). But I think that's what makes Heaven so sweet.
We are forced to rely on our God and what beauty is that.

Everyone is talking about 2011 and what is to come in 2012, seeing it *is* after all, New Years Eve. All I can think about is the next snack/meal time.
2012 will come eventually.
God's got it handled.

So even though *I* can't handle anymore, God can. He knows what I can handle. It is purely through His grace I can "handle" anything at all. I don't know what 2012 will bring. It will most likely bring more reactions. God willing, it will bring good times too. The important thing is, soon all believers will be living in a much different place than this. I cannot even understand what a picture of perfection is. But I'm going to see it.
I think I'm going to like it too.

Everyone is baring a heavy cross of their own right now. I pray God's peace and deliverance for you. May God bless you as we see another worldly year plugging past.

"It's the Most Horible Time of the Year"

Today is the day before Christmas Eve.
Christmas Eve Eve.
Our door bell has rung multiple times today with thoughtful and loving people stopping by to bring thoughtful and loving Casein-Filled treats into our home.
As our Casein Pile grows and we wonder how to keep Climby Climberson out of it, I was inspired to write this version of the ole time favorite "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year".
Please sit back, relax and enjoy...

An Allergy Mom's Rendition of
"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

It's the most horrific time of the year.
It's the worst time of the year,
... It's the scare-Scariest time of the year!
It's the most horrific time
It's the scare-Scariest time of the year!

It's the most horrific time of the year

There'll be buttery baked goods and
Casein-y taste-goods
And contaminates on ev'ry plate.
There'll be scary reactions
and tales of survival
And we'll try'er again in a year!

It's the most horrific time of the year.
It's the worst time of the year,
It's the scare-Scariest time of the year!
It's the most horrific time
It's the scare-Scariest time of the year!

There'll be much Bendryl-ing
And throats will be swelling
When loved ones are near!
It's the Scare- scariest time of the year!

Suffering: an Opportunity to See God's "Omni" Attributes

I've been thinking a lot about allergies.
I've been thinking a lot about suffering.
I've been thinking a lot about anger.
I've been thinking a lot about sin.
I've been thinking a lot about God.

See how that works?
Hardship comes and we get upset, angry, sad, and then we turn to God.

I have lovely, Christ-centered, caring, intuitive friends; thank God. They've been reminding me that heavy burdens are only given to you if God knows you can handle the weight. Wouldn't you know I even caught myself saying a few lines that I needed to hear more than anyone?

As I talked to a friend today I reminded her that her hardship was an opportunity.
Yea, we're still friends.

I continued to explain that a time of stress and wonder and uncertainty is an opportunity to really see and enjoy how perfectly God does provide. He is Omnipresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent. During hard times we turn to the cross, strengthened by the saving grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We realize we are but sinners and it is God who we depend on. In these hard times we get a chance to remember God has it all under control and we really can't do anything about our situation; then again, why would we? Our actions are sinful and worldly based. Praise the Lord it is He who is in control.

It is He who is Omnipresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
-John 14:27 NIV

We Must be Our Own Advocates

Here is Husband walking Boomba up and down the ER hallways. Give a 2 year old a steroid and try to have him sit nicely for 3 hours... This brings us to today's story:

We went to the ER recently because after Benadryl and a breathing treatment Boomba's reaction worsened. We were unable to control it at home and it was going down hill quickly.

We were slowly admitted into an unnamed hospital and asked over and over again "He's allergic to what?!"

Finally a nurse phoned the on call Dr. who would be driving over shortly "He's allergic to Case Tracein" she said. I made sure to correct her "Casein. Trace Casein, Ma'am."

The nursed looked at him, lobster red, eyes swollen shut and giggled "poor thing...wonder what he got into?"

It took everything in me not to yell, I instead asserted "Casein. He's anephelactically allergic" (for the 10th time).

He was finally given a steroid shot and we were told to wait it out for an hour in the waiting room.

His condition worsened, thankfully the breathing treatment seemed to be holding. His airways were getting clear even though his poor little body was getting worse.

FINALLY the Dr walked out with a cheater book and asked (again) how much Bendryl I had given him. "1/2 teaspoon" I explained for the -literally- 7th time. "Oh. He can have 1 teaspoon."

It was my fault. I didn't realize Boomba had grown enough to be able to take a full teaspoon dose yet. This whole thing may have been avoided if I would have just given him the correct amount in the first place! Mom fail. I can't help but wonder why in the world no nurse or Dr gave him the full does as soon as we were admitted. They should have known. I should have known.

There were several instances that made it clear that the nurses and Drs did not know much at all about allergic reactions. You drive fearfully and helplessly to an ER and expect not only that they will take care of everything, but that you wont have to teach them what an allergic reaction is.

I asked the Dr at discharge if he would prescribe a steroid to ward off any reactions in the next few days. See, after a reaction the allergen is still in your system and you can have a flare at any time. Not only that, if you're exposed again, the reaction can be worse 7 fold. Dr's reply. "Well... he's had Casein before and was fine, hasn't he?"

TIME OUT

Were you here for the last 3 hours while I waited and talked to you in your waiting room? Do you know that you've been "watching" my son for 3 hours BECAUSE he was exposed to casein?

EXPLODE

Rewind to when we were first talking to the Dr:
"It's prime allergy season, could we give him a general daily antihistamine to head off these reactions- in case he's also allergic to an environmental allergen that's making his especially susceptible"? we ask.

Dr answers "well....uh. Those are pollens. He's allergic to....uhhhh.... food- right?"

I'll have you know we called his new allergist (we've recently moved) the day after this visit and the first thing they said is "Isn't he on a daily antihistamine?!" We have been to the ER two times, to two doctors and a nurse practitioner and this is the 1st time we've gotten a go ahead for a daily antihistamine!

I could go on. Seriously, "well trained" "professionals" have dropped the ball so many times it's disheartening. I hate being that person. I hate being that mom. It's not in my nature to be over protective. To prove this further, I won't even call to order a pizza. I just don't like it. I am not that person.

We must be our own advocates. It's sad. But we must. We must take responsibility. We must double and triple check. We must be the catalyst. By handling these situations with grace and appreciation we may be able to help raise awareness and education for this widely growing problem.

I know this is a more than HUGE vent. I don't blame you if you're not reading anymore- hahaha get it? It's funny because you ARE still reading... anyway.

But it really proves that this is a learning experience and if it weren't for God's grace and power we would be and have nothing. He is our sustainer. He is our comforter. He is our rock.

LUTHER'S MORNING PRAYER

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

I thank you, my heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, Your dear Son, that You have kept me this night from all harm and danger; and I pray that You would keep me this day also from sin and every evil, that all my doings and life may please You. For into Your hands I commend myself, my body and soul, and all things. Let Your holy angel be with me, that the evil foe may have no power over me. Amen.

I wonder if there's a limit as to how much I can type in one post? I'm sure I'll have another chance to try again.

Never Too Early: When a Parent Loses a Child

Husband just read aloud this article "Notes from a Dragon Mom" from the New York Times.

Grab a box of tissues for this'n. Emily Rapp writes a blunt and fierce reminder of what our true priorities and goals are as parents. Our goal should not be primarily to raise an award gaining child. Our goal is to love and teach our children. Enjoy the short time we have with them.

I've always feared that Husband and I would lose Boomba. I know if sounds extreme, but I'm also sure this is a fear most parents have. There's been a couple of close calls and he's only on the early side of two. Reading this article is a great shock of perspective.

A food allergy is not a death sentence. Tay-Sachs is. "Food allergies cause approximately 150 to 200 fatalities per year" but when you think about it, that's not that many. With the science of Epi-Pens and antihistamines ranging from creams, oral medications, shots, sprays, and more- even anaphylaxis can be treated in time to save a life.

My strength has always come from two statements of reasoning:

1. It's not a disease.
2. Boomba is God's child, and God wont take him "too early".

When ever anyone dies it's never "too early". People who say that are wrong. God's timing is perfect. Though God's timing and ours is rarely (never) in sync (in the same imaginable range), we know that it is God's timing that is perfect.

Why do we continue to toil in worry when we know God is all powerful and has our best interests in His (PERFECT!) hands?

Lord, please bless the Rapp family and all who are dealing with the sting of death. Please assure us that it is your timing that is perfect, by no means is it ours. Please give us comfort in this, knowing we are all your children and we are but strangers in this place, waiting to return to the perfect home in which you've prepared specifically for us.
Amen.

My Struggle with Sin: Continued

So I actually never wrote an entry entitled "My Struggle with Sin", but it's a recurrence that makes the initial blog entry START with "Continued". I hate sin. I KNOW God will care for me. I KNOW God knows better than I know what I need. He will -WILL- give me what I need. I find my self in a whirl wind of sin. Constantly.

This is a "duh" moment, I know. But it's a *real* issue. Life and death, actually.

I'm angry.
I'm angry that I can't accomplish what I want to in a day- or year. I'm angry that I get angry. I'm angry that my one and only child has such a severe allergy- that he can't even touch contaminated surfaces.
I'm so angry.
I don't know why God gave me (and Husband) such a cross to bare.
I wish all the time I could be a "normal mom" with a "normal family". Then I would never be frustrated at dirty dish-covered counters or two-year-old-tantrums. If we were "normal" I would be happy.

Wait.
That's a lie.

Because I lived a life that was different than this one and I was still angry. Angry at injustices and this sin covered world. Everyone is angry at the specific sin in their own lives.
What an opponent the devil makes himself.

The truth is the devil and his sinful suffocation is no match for God. Thank God that it is He who is my defender. Thank God that it is He who conquered death. Thank God that is it He who gives me the gift of eternal life in baptism and the means of grace.

My motto was always "What's the worst that could happen, death? Then let it be- for that is when I shall meet my maker in His perfect home." So true. This life is only temporary. Heaven is my home. I'm but a stranger here.

I’m But a Stranger Here
By: Thomas R. Taylor

I’m but a stranger here,
Heaven is my home;
Earth is a desert drear,
Heaven is my home;
Danger and sorrow stand
Round me on every hand;
Heaven is my fatherland,
Heaven is my home.

What though the tempest rage,
Heaven is my home;
Short is my pilgrimage,
Heaven is my home;
And time’s wintry blast
Soon shall be over past;
I shall reach home at last,
Heaven is my home.

Therefore I murmur not,
Heaven is my home;
Whatever my earthly lot,
Heaven is my home;
And I shall surely stand
There at my Lord’s right hand.
Heaven is my fatherland,
Heaven is my home.

Hymn # 515
Lutheran Worship
Author: Arthur S. Sullivan
Tune: Heaven Is My Home
1st Published in: 1836

It was just recently I really connected with this song. 25 years of singing it and I guess I finally read the words instead of just singing it. Pastor preached an excellent sermon that if I was questioned I'd admit was written for me. Come to find out after coffee and cookies that Sunday many parishioners thought that vary thought. Pastor explained that living in sin is frustrating. It is hard. It's good we feel this way.

Wait. Hold the phone.

It's good?

If we weren't so applauded by sin, so repulsed by it- we wouldn't be fighting the good fight. We're on this side of sin and we can see though our faithful eyes how condemning and destructive sin is.

Lord, please use me as your tool. Speak though me in my thoughts, words, and deeds. Please comfort me and let the evil foe have no control over me. Bless me and keep me. Hold me steady against these stormy winds. Be with my son. He is yours and you have entrusted me to do my best with him. Let your will be done. Be with my husband as you have joined us as one. Strengthen and keep him also. Enable me to be a well-suited help meet for him. Lord I ask all of this in your name Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Sometimes I forget I'm Blond

No. Really.
I've tried only a few times to dye my hair. As a child it was Red Kool-Aid. Then it became a frosted streak in my hair. Once I even tried highlights.
My hair would have none of it.

I was born with brown hair. It seemed as though my hair would always be brown.

No biggie. After a while I started thinking it was like a purity au natural "thing" to have my natural hair color. I have always wondered what I would look like blond!

One day curiosity got me. I walked over the the Dollar General and bought Nice N Easy Maximum blond and gave it another shot.

BEFORE

AFTER

Not too shabby. I did go right to Walmart recently and buy a brown to go back. But- I'm waiting... I think I like this.

Mrs Livingston, I hear you.

The movie Bubble Boy has a whole new meaning to me now. Mrs. Livingston locks her son who was born without an immune system within a plastic bubble in his bedroom to protect him and of course in turn, ruin him in many other ways. I'm about there. I'm Googleing non-porous plastics in my other tab. Right now. Boomba had his second reaction of the week and I don't even know what the source was and, oh yeah, it's only Friday. Saturday and Sunday still hold all new possibilities. Sunday. Pot Luck Sunday. Pot Luck Sunday, where all the cheesy casseroles and Casein delight dishes are served till your bloated tummies' content. Nightmare.

We've been dealing with a lot of stress lately.

The question is what can we do about it?

We can't "heal" the allergy (but that doesn't stop us from asking God to take it away).

We can collect information, get support, and adjust our life styles (even more).

Here is the plan of attack:
1. Collect information on well recommended allergists in the area.
2. Call Boomba's Allergist in the other state and ask her questions and for a
recommendation to said recommended allergist.
3. Eliminate ALL Casein from the house hold- even the non-dairy coffee creamer.
4. Actively investigate Immunotherapy options.

After I was Googleing for literally hours (during Boomba's nap) I discovered some great resources.

Allergic Living Magazine.com. This link takes you to an article titled "Your Child and Food Allergy Fears ". There are many different treasures to uncover here though!

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Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network Website.

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Toddler Sized Dairy Allergy Alert Bracelets: Silicone style!

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National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases' PDF link of "Guidelines for the Diagnosis and Management of Food Allergy in the United States". Yeah it's mostly as dry as it sounds- but lots of good information. Check out the Summary for Patients and Families. Scroll down to find it.

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I also discovered Allergic Girl. She has a book. I think I might read it. She also has a blog. I don't think I'll read that.
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All of this sounds like a relief. Something I can do to make this better. Then WHACK I remember I'm missing something. God gave Husband, Boomba, and I this cross to bare (and of course the support, technology to help with that). It's now I'm thinking about the theological conversation I had all too recently. A group of us are reading Luther: Letters of Spiritual Counsel. Something sticks out at me right about now. Luther had a way with words. The section we were reading was on death and dying which is a subject on everyone's mind but on few lips. Luther described suffering as "being worthy of suffering in the eyes of the Lord". Wow. Christ suffered the ultimate pain. Christ bore the sins of the whole world. Christ was quite a guy. Our good works are like filthy rags in the eyes of the Lord (-Isaiah 64:6). We don't get near what we deserve. Praise the Lord. What we deserve is pain and suffering and a horrible eternal death. Knowing God wont allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bare (-1 Corinthians 10:13), I suppose that does make me "worthy" to suffer.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
-1 Corinthians 10:13

Time Warp Wife's Titus Tuesday 9.13.2011

This is just a quick note to invite you to check out one of my favorite blogs.
Time Warp Wife. It is a blog that is actively "Empowering Wives to Joyfully Serve".

Titus Tuesdays are Linky days where readers can link their own or their favorite websites and blogs that can add to this idea of joyfully serving as a wife. It's chalked full of Recipes, Housekeeping Tips, Parenting Info and Marriage Blips.

Titus Tuesdays at Time Warp Wife.

Enjoy! Maybe you'll find yourself adding your own linky to the page too.

Sleeping Snuggle Loves- Every Chance I Get

Every night before bed, like most parents I'd imagine, Husband and I sneak into Boombas room to see him peacefully sleeping. We stand there for a moment, like most parents do I'd imagine, saying a little prayer of a big thanksgiving. Thank you Lord for blessing us with this sweet life of a boy. Thank you for entrusting him to us. Thank you for giving us the strength and making us your tools in this vocation: Parent. It's usually one of us that bites their lip and leans in a bit, looking towards the other. Most recently it was me. I was waiting for the okay, the go ahead. Husband knew exactly what was running through my mind- he had done the same the previous night.

Boomba squirmed. Alright! All forces GO! That's the go ahead that means action!

I smiggled (smiled and giggled) and reached my arms all the way down into the crib to take this boy into my embrace. Ah. That's what this is all about. A Sleeping Snuggle Love.

I love to hold Boomba when he sleeps. Every chance I get. (Which is basically every night). I usually think about it and upright myself convinced I'm not going to succumb -this time. Then I start thinking about how my eldest nephew is starting college. One of my youngest nephews is starting Kindergarten. Boomba is not far behind. I do it now, while I still can. I want to know that every chance I had to snoogle this Boomba I nabbed it. He happens to be an excellent sleeper and so why not?

I don't know if I'm ever going to have a chance like this again so I do it. Every chance I get I steel Sleeping Snuggle Loves.

Probably will do it tonight too.

What a way to end the day.

One of Those Days

It's been one of those days. Nothing too horrible. Nothing too wonderful. Little things turn big quickly. Potty Training. Pantry Organizing. Mothering. Did I say Pantry Organizing?

I was knee deep -quite literally- in pantry items when Boomba decided to help. I'm usually really receptive to a toddler's help. It thrills me to see the development right before my eyes. Life skills learned in real time. Today, not so much. Huffing and puffing between grunts is all that was coming out of my mouth. And then the boy peed all over the floor. Lord help me.

Let's talk again about Magnetic Fridge Letters. I bought Boomba a whole new set because he kicked all letters except "M", "L", "J", and "V" under our old washer. I had dreams of sitting in a well decorated house on a quaint and comfy sofa with sun beams dancing on our skin as we sorted, spelled, sounded, and blissfully giggled holding these colorful jewels, sticking them on a baking sheet when I threw that dollar store package in the cart. I should have known it then and there.

This is what happened instead:

We have two brooms in our kitchen. Why? Well the house came with one and we brought one with us. But- the real reason is because Boomba loves nothing more than the help sweep delicate items off shelves every time he sees the broom(s). Sometimes he even remembers the broom and goes and fetches it (them). I'm not a good broom hopper. In fact I think there are special magnets that connect my feet and the strewn about broom(s) into a tripping fest. I quite dislike the brooms.

But you know what.
As Boomba sleeps and I maul over the situation that angered me so just a few hours ago I can't help but laugh and see that it is amazing that he wants to help sweep and do anything we are doing. Imitation is the truest form of flattery right? I'm not sure he's seen me sweep enough to be able to imitate me- but I'm going to white knuckle this one and run with it!

Ah the toddler years. I really do love it. I can hardly remember holding Boomba when he was a newborn. He's such a big boy now and he even (upon his own action and with no "permission" from me) removed his diaper and went in the potty this morning! Now that's what I should be focusing on. So why did I just write a whole entry about frustration via brooms and magnetic fridge letters.

Easy answer: sin.

That's why we keep cute pictures to gussy up and remember the good times. Moments of frustration and anger come and go. It's just one of those days.

So now we're ready to Mom Up and continue trudging forth... and maybe a skip or two too.

Welcome to Parent's Club.

Want to read more about parenting and Magnetic Fridge Letter Frustration?
Click here.

Lessons I Never Knew I'd Learn...from a 2 yr old

Okay, so he's 21 months... but 2 is coming rapidly and that's a topic I've spent too much time thinking about recently.

Staying at home with Boomba has been a dream come true and a blessing for sure. I love seeing him develop and learn. He's been picking up new words daily now! I enjoy making scrumptious meals and snacks for Boomba and his daddy. I love snuggling him. I did not expect to love learning from him.

Boomba has taught me to:
Dance every time music plays
Slay every grass monster possible
Motor Boat my lips when board or thinking
Smile when facing trouble
Hug my Mom- she'll like it
Play with my food
Get sand in my diaper---er pants, I mean
Enjoy a bath
Snack- because that is one of the many highlights of the day
Sing along with Sponge Bob
Break-dance even if I don't have the muscle structure
Learn daily
Lay in the grass
Meow at passerby cats
Discover new treasures in the pantry
Trust blindly
Show off, hey they're watching for a reason!
Give a running hug to Daddy
Embrace every entrance into the outdoors like an adventure
Never worry where my food/clothing/needs/wants come(s) from, God provides

Life is an amazing thing. I can remember always wanting to be a mother. A stay at home mother. I knew I wanted to go to college but I couldn't decide on a major because I knew ultimately I would be mothering at home full time if there was any way at all to do so. I married earlier than any of my friends- while still in college. I was pregnant my last year of college. That was so tough. I imagine like many pregnant mothers in college obviously homework and education was hard to think about as there were other things on my mind. I never realized it then, but I was different from my friends. I was never a partier. I had no interest in wasting time in a relationship that wasn't marriage bound- and by that I mean a relationship that was a smart and Christ centered choice.

God had blessed me with one God fearing, kind-hearted, intelligent and handsome husband. God has given me three pregnancies- chances to marvel at the miracle of life. God has given me one amazing baby son who even has a thing or two to teach his mother. I am thrilled with the blessings I have been handed and I trust God will not leave me. He will give me everything I need and then some. I was reading the story of Hannah and Samuel in the Bible today. Hannah has such faith that she gave her only son to be a servant of God, knowing that Samuel had always belonged to her Lord.
Please Lord I pray. Give me such faith.

Work Hard, Play Hard.

Two weeks and counting until we pull out of our 2 year home and travel to our new home in Nebraska. We’ve got a garage sale this weekend and then it’s the countdown!

Amidst the boxes piling up and the lists and lists of whom to call and addresses to change and what To Do’s, little Boomba reminds of something very important.

Right around the time of day where a lazy itch starts spreading and we realize the day is too perfect to let get away just yet, we remember. There is a toddler sized playscape at my husband’s school and Boomba can run free and slide, climb, and crawl till he’s tuckered out.

I’m always resistant, at first, to leave the indoor world inside the haze of packing-frenzy and go play. Boy am I sure glad the my son and husband commit to convincing me otherwise. We work hard and in return must remember to play equally as hard!

While Boomba runs free at the playscape Husband and I play a vigorous round of catch. I love the instant success a captured baseball in a glove returns. We’ve learned that the sun is a needed daily dose in our house. We all feel so much better after the Vitamin D and fresh air medicate us.

Who Needs Can Openers Anyway?

Yesterday was my last day of work. That makes today my first day of being a Stay at Home Mom (SaHM). I stayed at home with Boomba until he was about 9 months old. Now he’s 19 months old and the school year is over and we’re a’moving to Nebraska! I thought long and hard of what my first day of staying at home would bring. Would we sleep all day and do nothing -because we can? Would we have 3 play dates in one day-because we can? We had a nice morning and decided on the fly to go to the library and see what we could find.

I’ve also been thinking long and hard about what my husband’s first dinner would be from his Stay at Home Wife. Steaks? Glazed Ham? I’m sure he didn’t care as long as he didn’t have to make it! He’s been such a trooper cooking every night of the last 10 months! I dug through my recipes and decided a Spicy Chili Cornbread Casserole was a nice choice.

The meat was browning

The seasonings were dancing and creating the perfect blend.

Problem: Canned Tomatoes and Chickpeas.

No, I’m not an anti-canned food nut. Of course I prefer fresh foods, but this was a different matter. I had packed the one and only family can opener in my dear husband’s lunch today. You know, so he could break into that nutritious CANNED meal I packed for him. See a pattern?

As I looked around the kitchen and searched for sharp objects, I paused and looked over at my sink. There they were! The glorious tin snips my dad gave me when I moved out for college. How lucky it is that we dug those snips out of my truck’s tool box just about a week ago!



Sweet Resourceful Success.

We will eat well tonight.

Why Does Parenting Have to be So Hard?

You dream of parenting. “I will never do so-and-so” you lie to yourself. You watch others parent and think “How could they?! I would calmly reason with my child and then we’ll skip merrily over to the ice cream shop (hand in hand) and talk of magic rainbows and live-mud-monsters giggling in still shot moments.”

After 20 minutes of crying during the nap time he needs in order to have the best day he can-ahem I mean “we can”, his silence tempts me to open the bedroom door to “make sure everything is okay”. I must still be that new to this. Don’t I remember the countless (literally countless) times I’ve opened that door just to push the “restart” button. Resist.

Magnetic Fridge Letters- Then there’s magnetic fridge letters! It’s not that I don’t appreciate the fact they must have an interesting curvature when experienced solely by the blind tongue. It’s that they happen to be the perfect size to CHOKE on. Sorry kid, no beans. Magnetic fridge letters are a “no-no” in the mouth. The end. Wait, you say it’s not in fact the end? “V” slips easily inside the gummy void as I exhale with gust. Gotta love the persistence. It’s that persistence that his dad won me over with right about 6 years ago. Isn’t it incredible the sympathy Parent’s Club hands out for free?

30 minutes into nap time the fit sounds more like music. Yes lulling, comforting music to my desperate ears. Lied again. The music is the part where it drowns out into quiet hushes of compliance. “Yes, Boomba. That’s right….. sleeeeeeeep……sleeeeee-eeeeeeep!” Ahhh. HA! I think it really happened! I’ve heard only wind blowing and the radio- the real radio not Boomba’s “music”- for a full 3 minutes now! It’s got to be true.

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN: WE HAVE A NAP!

*double glance at the clock*

Nearly noon? This wont do. I dare to whip out a paper to do the math. The nap must equal X in order to have a Y or greater than day at work this afternoon. Arrrrrg!

That’s okay. I choose Phone a Friend. What would the idealistic parent-inside-myself say to me? Probably something to the tune (bahahahaha “tune” sounds like I need an ipod moment see: http://momuporgohome.wordpress.com/2011/04/14/gumption-other-learned-traits/ ) of “Make sure you are extra happy and positive when he wakes up so that in turn, he will be positive and happy, thus fixing the fact he is nap-deprived. Wa-la! Sometimes you’ve just got to ask.

Anyway. Deep inside I know he slept a bit longer last night than usual and my day doesn’t in fact, depend on his napping – solely that is. I also know that my former childless self is right. A lot of it is between my own two ears. This – this is HUMP DAY and I will appreciate it for that reason alone.

Something my childless former self will never believe no matter how much she hears it is “parenting is hard”. Hard in ways that cannot be fully explained. This is what this blog is all about. The discovery of how hard parenting is. The effect of learning this is equally unable to be fully explained. Let me try. Parent Club gives you access to a secret. You know to what extent your parents loved you. How much they dreamed for you. Worked for you. Prayed for you.

Parent Club is forever.

Parent Club is not for the weak.

Parent Club gives you compassion, understanding, a deeper love you never knew possible. Parent Club also lets you taste the sweet, sweet drops of smiles, giggles and the magic of rainbows and live-mud-monsters in still shot moments.