Saturday, December 31, 2011

I can't handle anymore, God.

I've been saying this a lot. "A lot" does not even describe it. He's probably so sick of hearing it, I'm saying it so often.

Two more weeks and I'm not sure I can do it.
Two more weeks and we should have the 2nd screening of Boomba's allergy tests back. In two week Boomba is expected to start his oral drops and that's when I'm expecting the magic to happen. Since we've been told of Boomba's whopping 20 allergen list, we've made a few changes to our diet only to see an INCREASE of reactions.

I can't handle anymore, God.

It was first Boomba's birthday a time of family and friends sitting together, laughing, sharing, and eating in our house. Then, Thanksgiving. Family came to our home to sit, laugh, and share. Oh and eat. Lastly Christmas. It's not just what happened with Christmas- the whole family coming to sit, laugh, share...and eat. It's the well-intentioned home baked (casein and allergy-filled) delights that were piled upon our counters one by one. Not to mention the fact Boomba reacted to a class 0 allergy on Christmas like it was a class III.

Point is it's been a long, allergy building season. And oh yeah,
I can't handle anymore, God.

Then Boomba got a fever. For three days. Then he got a rash. Was it the chicken pox? Was it Roseola- probably. That day every single thing I fed him, he reacted to. His unpleasant demeanor, him rubbing his head, and then him grabbing is throat was the last straw. We called the local clinic on a Friday at 4pm to see if they could squeeze him in. Thank God they could.

The rash, I'd never had guessed, was a reaction.

You'd think I would know a reaction when I saw it after 2 years of Allergy Momming.
Steroid shot.
Oral steroids for a week.

The relief in our household was tactile.
Light hearts.

Saturday morning we stuck with one of our 5 "safe foods" Rice. Warm rice with sugar and soy milk and craisins and raisins. MMmmmmmMMMmmm.
Go ahead.
Try it.

We slowly got dressed at our leisure, taking it easy and then when it was time I did the monthly grocery run all by myself.
Could this day get any better?

I returned home to a seemingly starving Boomba and a 20 minute wait on lunch, we served up a simple sliced cucumber as a hold-em-over and even splashed a little French dressing to dip!

And then he reacted.

To what? I suppose the answer is "french dressing". The real answer is "I don't know what ingredient it was and....
I can't handle ANYMORE, God!"

After a long talk.
After being showered with encouragement.
It seems true.
The devil is a tough opponent in a battle already won.

I've been feeling like a horrible wife and mother. Truth is I am. I'm a sinner. I couldn't save myself if I tried. Good thing I don't have to.

I don't know why God thinks(knows) we can live this way. But the only thing that I really do know- He's right.
God is omniscient.

This world is proof of the ugliness of sin. The corrupted disintegrating effects of sin.

It's hard living here (I want to be very pointed in saying that "here" means this world). But I think that's what makes Heaven so sweet.
We are forced to rely on our God and what beauty is that.

Everyone is talking about 2011 and what is to come in 2012, seeing it *is* after all, New Years Eve. All I can think about is the next snack/meal time.
2012 will come eventually.
God's got it handled.

So even though *I* can't handle anymore, God can. He knows what I can handle. It is purely through His grace I can "handle" anything at all. I don't know what 2012 will bring. It will most likely bring more reactions. God willing, it will bring good times too. The important thing is, soon all believers will be living in a much different place than this. I cannot even understand what a picture of perfection is. But I'm going to see it.
I think I'm going to like it too.

Everyone is baring a heavy cross of their own right now. I pray God's peace and deliverance for you. May God bless you as we see another worldly year plugging past.


  1. Yes, absolutely. Remember the lilies of the field, how they last only for a day, but our Heavenly Father cares for them. Thanks be to God who is with us in our daily (and hourly) struggles!

  2. You are one brave, tough, and faithful Mama and Wife. Keep it up Kayla and remember that yes, Satan will and does trouble us in this life with. He picks at us, nibbles at our heels, and kicks us while we are down. But this is only because he can no longer attack us out right. We do not belong to him, we belong to our Father and He will always guard and protect our faith, even in our worse times.

    May God's peace earned for you on the cross by Christ and given to you in your baptism sustain you as you deal with this sinful and broken world. Come Lord Jesus, Amen.

    We will be thinking and praying for you.

  3. Oh Kayla, I'm so sorry to hear how tough it's been!! I pray that your little boy will do well while you wait for the testing and that Mama will get a time of relief with no more new reactions! Blessings on your Christmas and New Years.