Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Luxury of Staying at Home?

Swiped from here.

I'm a stay at home mom.

I once dreamed of teaching but a few things combined with the stark realization that if I was a teacher I couldn't be a stay at home mom, changed my mind.

My mom stayed home when I was in pre-school and did Avon. After that she was a working woman! Thankfully my dad was a janitor so I was always watched by a parent, even though they both worked.

My sister in law was and still remains a huge influence on me. She taught me the importance of knowing what I believed and why. She taught me the beauty and God given weight of my vocations as daughter, sister, and then later, wife and mother.

You can google a million sites that will go on and on about how staying at home is either ridiculous, the -only- way to go, impractical, or even a luxury.

I love being home and spending what I can already see is fleeting time with my son, watching him grow, teaching him our beliefs and I love to discipline him as Husband and I decide is fit.

His allergies add to the reasoning. I'm really not sure of a daycare that would take him as he has a life threatening allergy to trace amounts of casein combined with multiple other serious food and environmental allergies. Because of his allergy I can focus on making safe and healthy foods for him. I wanted to stay at home even before we knew of this special benefit, before we were an "Allergy Family".

Many ladies argue that they "Wish they could but can't be a stay at home mother". Now I don't want to shame anyone for the decision they are making for their family, but I also do not think this argument is valid. These ladies would also add that "staying at home as a mother is just a luxury they can't afford".

Why does this not hold up in my book?

We are not rolling in dough.
We make waaaay less than 25k a year and are paying on all of our student loans (because Husband and I both put ourselves through college).
The truth is I would have to make a substantial amount of money to off set the charges day care would demand. If I worked out of the home, I would not be able to make homemade meals every single day (which is our only option to have safe meals for Boomba, by the way). We would pay a lot of money in processed and "fast" or "boxed" foods.

It is because I am at home that I can spend the time to shop for the BEST deal when we need to make a purchase. I can also sew and make our own toys, repairs and etc out of recycled materials, because I'm home to do that- that's how I provide for my family.

It's scary.
It's terrifying to leave the regular paycheck of a job to become a stay at home mom. You crunch numbers and try to figure it all out. There are as many ways to make it work as there are families who do it. I groomed myself for this job and even I need regular talks with other moms and Husband to remind me of what exactly it is I am doing. It is after all quite ambiguous, especially compared to the black and white contracted jobs many mothers hold in addition to keeping house and mothering and wife-ing.

I know I'm doing just what all the other sites are doing. Telling you what to think about being a stay at home mom. I guess it just really makes me upset that people think this is all such a luxury when they don't see the sacrifices that are made to do this.

But then again...
The luxury is in the fact that I can get the housework and errands done in the day so Husband can come home and we can have true family time together. The luxury is in homemade foods, teaching Boomba our morals for this short time that I am his predominate role model. The luxury is in serving my family.

I am so thankful for a husband who not only supports me as a stay at home mom, but does so much more than that. He tries to see things from my point of view. He works more than one job (or four) if he needs to make sure that one of us can always be home with Boomba. He encourages me to seek additional support and comrade when toddler company isn't cutting it for me, emotionally.

I'm thankful for my God who provides for us in ways we can never see coming.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
-Matthew 6:26


  1. You are a wonderful writer, Kayla!

  2. Such an encouraging piece. I feel very privileged to be a stay at home mom. Other times almost guilty. This is exactly what I needed to read today.