Wednesday, October 12, 2011

My Struggle with Sin: Continued

So I actually never wrote an entry entitled "My Struggle with Sin", but it's a recurrence that makes the initial blog entry START with "Continued". I hate sin. I KNOW God will care for me. I KNOW God knows better than I know what I need. He will -WILL- give me what I need. I find my self in a whirl wind of sin. Constantly.

This is a "duh" moment, I know. But it's a *real* issue. Life and death, actually.

I'm angry.
I'm angry that I can't accomplish what I want to in a day- or year. I'm angry that I get angry. I'm angry that my one and only child has such a severe allergy- that he can't even touch contaminated surfaces.
I'm so angry.
I don't know why God gave me (and Husband) such a cross to bare.
I wish all the time I could be a "normal mom" with a "normal family". Then I would never be frustrated at dirty dish-covered counters or two-year-old-tantrums. If we were "normal" I would be happy.

That's a lie.

Because I lived a life that was different than this one and I was still angry. Angry at injustices and this sin covered world. Everyone is angry at the specific sin in their own lives.
What an opponent the devil makes himself.

The truth is the devil and his sinful suffocation is no match for God. Thank God that it is He who is my defender. Thank God that it is He who conquered death. Thank God that is it He who gives me the gift of eternal life in baptism and the means of grace.

My motto was always "What's the worst that could happen, death? Then let it be- for that is when I shall meet my maker in His perfect home." So true. This life is only temporary. Heaven is my home. I'm but a stranger here.

I’m But a Stranger Here
By: Thomas R. Taylor

I’m but a stranger here,
Heaven is my home;
Earth is a desert drear,
Heaven is my home;
Danger and sorrow stand
Round me on every hand;
Heaven is my fatherland,
Heaven is my home.

What though the tempest rage,
Heaven is my home;
Short is my pilgrimage,
Heaven is my home;
And time’s wintry blast
Soon shall be over past;
I shall reach home at last,
Heaven is my home.

Therefore I murmur not,
Heaven is my home;
Whatever my earthly lot,
Heaven is my home;
And I shall surely stand
There at my Lord’s right hand.
Heaven is my fatherland,
Heaven is my home.

Hymn # 515
Lutheran Worship
Author: Arthur S. Sullivan
Tune: Heaven Is My Home
1st Published in: 1836

It was just recently I really connected with this song. 25 years of singing it and I guess I finally read the words instead of just singing it. Pastor preached an excellent sermon that if I was questioned I'd admit was written for me. Come to find out after coffee and cookies that Sunday many parishioners thought that vary thought. Pastor explained that living in sin is frustrating. It is hard. It's good we feel this way.

Wait. Hold the phone.

It's good?

If we weren't so applauded by sin, so repulsed by it- we wouldn't be fighting the good fight. We're on this side of sin and we can see though our faithful eyes how condemning and destructive sin is.

Lord, please use me as your tool. Speak though me in my thoughts, words, and deeds. Please comfort me and let the evil foe have no control over me. Bless me and keep me. Hold me steady against these stormy winds. Be with my son. He is yours and you have entrusted me to do my best with him. Let your will be done. Be with my husband as you have joined us as one. Strengthen and keep him also. Enable me to be a well-suited help meet for him. Lord I ask all of this in your name Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

1 comment:

  1. fight the good fight, dear friend! you are a great mom and a great wife. may our Lord strengthen you for those tough days and keep you mindful that you are His own child, chosen from before the foundations of the earth. and keep singing those hymns! :)